 |
October 2001 |
 |
|
Wednesday, October 31, 2001 |
| Happy
Halloween! ...the
best holiday at Ritual!
Full moon tonight, and a blue one at that!
| The Tribal CTF Mentally Challenged are running a
contest that I thought was interesting. I heard about it from my friend Dick Longe
who has already sent in the entry on the right. I told you that Dick and I look very
similar and that is why I get blamed for many of his escapades.
http://www.planetquake.com/tribalctf/
...go here and ignore the part about "non-Photoshop"!
Also, if Mr. Longe finds his picture on the net somewhere with a big dick stuck in his
mouth, ...well, ...he said that first he would laugh very hard, ...then he would hurt you
plenty! |
 |
|
 |
There's a special tonight on XGR with me and Pappa Paligap
shooting the shit about terrorists, Halloween tricks of childhood, and naked women. Go
here and BE the entertainment! http://www.xgr.com/article.php?article=2034 |
|
Tuesday, October 30, 2001 |
| "Early is on time, on time is late, late is unforgivable!" ...I hate
being late, but late I was today. Didn't get to sleep until 2:30am because of damned
Sam! I'm sorry CroTeam, but there is no way to beat the second final boss!
...until tonight, maybe ;) Clarification on yesterday's update, ...don't get me wrong,
there is indeed a story to the Second Encounter. What I meant to say was that it was
not necessary to read it in order to play the game. No long cinematics (a synonym
for "bad short movie") explaining stuff I would need to finish the game but
otherwise could care less about. No long in-game interruptions. I can just
jump into it all and blast away until my bladder almost bursts.
I'll read the story probably the third time I play the game. |
Monday, October 29, 2001 |
| Okay, I only got 1/3rd the way through Sam, so I can't give a
full evaluation yet. I can issue a few priliminaries, though... First, I LOVE
the new box!
I can say this, too, ...I started playing Saturday morning (Frinight was Reverend Rob's
Birthday). I made some eggs and procutto, tuned into the Three Stooges, and
installed SS:SE.
The next thing I knew, it was 4pm, my pack of Mules was empty, and I had to piss really
bad. Second session ended at about midnight. I didn't want to go to bed, but I
knew I had to go sometime. |
 |
I eagerly got up at 6am (which was now 5am) and played all day Sunday. A good
game should make you feel like a kid on Christmas morning.
This is the game style for me! ...lots of ammo and lots of things to shoot at.
Constantly riding that 17% health while frantically looking for the next bundle of
replenishing goodies and fearfully avoiding the next chamberful of badies.
No story line or character development, ...just ammo, targets, and fear!
A story line in a game is like whipped cream in sex. Sure, it sounds like a good
idea but it only ends up as a sticky melted mess that just gets in the way of good fun.
Character development? ...I've got plenty of that on my own, thanks!
Bottom line, ...so far I can say that if you liked the first episode and/or miss the
Days of Doom, ...you can look forward to Serious Sam: The Second Encounter.
 |
 Kevin "I'm not
a mutant, personally" Eastman and some guy named Simon are gearing up a new web page
called MetalTV. If you're into fantasy art with
naked women and cool stories about naked women and, ...yes, ...naked women, ...this is a
site for your sore eyes!
Seriously, ...no really! ...it's the new Heavy Metal site and is THE source
for everything from the magazine to FAKK2 to naked women. |
|
Friday, October 26, 2001 |
| Hrvati su
nenadjebivi! Looking forward to a dobar weekend! Got my alpha copy
of Serious Sam: Second Encounter! ...going to grab a
bottle of Russian Potato Juice on the way home, ...going to fill a bowl of Californian
Salad, ...going to boot up, ...and then blast everything in sight (including myself via
chemical warfare) with the latest-and-greatest from the CroTeam.
Can they do it a second time? We'll see, ...I am in fact studying a little
Croatian just in case I have to relocate in the next few years, though ;) |
 |
The two screen wallpapers in Wednesday's pictures? What are they you ask?
You bet we're going to answer that one! They're NOT screen shots from SiN II or
Heavy Metal IV...
On the left, ...the beautiful Jennifer Aniston. Please don't send emails saying
she's pregnant and married to Brad Pitt, ...or that those nipples are photoshopped!
I will not accept, or even listen to those lies!
On the right, ...the beautiful Andie MacDowell. I'm not sure what it is about
her. The first thought is her voice, there's something about her voice. I
really went over when I saw Groundhog Day. That scene in which Phil, ...PHIL
CONNERS!?! ...is laying next to her and describing her as the most beautiful thing he has
ever seen, ...well, I fell.
|
Wednesday, October 24, 2001 |
| Was I the only one that at first thought this Anthrax scare was pretty lame? I
mean, it seemed very crude and very ineffectual. The first letter was sealed in
plastic tape such that the envelope bursted open as the guy tried to open it, thus
spraying the powder. Clever, but still crude and very few people were truly
frightened. Now we find there are more letters and that these have perferated envelopes
that may have allowed powder to be distributed all along the letter's postal journey.
More advanced and definitely causing many more people to feel threatened. Not
a mass destruction yet, though.
I was listening to this progression last night on MSNBC and thought "Well, you
know, this sucks, ecspecially for those that are directly affected, but it does have an up
side. Just like a yearly bout with the flu keeps your immune system in tune, this
Anthrax shit has indeed heightened our national immune system."
Then I thought "Oh shit! What if their intention is to get us to use up most
of our antibiotics supply and fatigue our testing laboratories on a relatively harmless
bacteria, THEN launch the really deadly shit!". I have to admit these fuckfaces
have done their job well.
On the local front, ...still no known source for this strange postcard, ...and still no
takers for my "$5 - you open it?" deal. The list of suspects is getting
smaller, though...
 |
For instance, ...Tom "Does It Again!" Mustaine
and I have our desks in a nice windowed section of the office now. It's very cozy
and quiet. These two pictures show, on the left, my area, ...and on the right, a
picture I found on Tom's computer yesterday. Am I wrong to feel coveted? You
don't think he'd, ...he'd, ...well, I mean, ...just for a Jacuzzi next door? |
 |
|
Tuesday, October 23, 2001 |
 |
That postcard thing is just too strange! Still noone to
claim ownership or delivery. I told Wyeth that I would pay him $5 (two weeks from
now, of course) if he'd open it for me, ...no soap. Related to Anthrax, ...my guess is
that we already know, but are waiting to tele-ban the Taliban first, that the war-grade
anthrax simply MUST be coming from Iraq. Sad-I’m
Insane has been way too quiet for way too long.
Related to Wyeth, ...here's a picture I found on our refrigerator. It's from one
of our parties and actually captures Reverend Rob performing his famous (buy the book!) Relationship
Crisis Management for Young People - "Why It Hurts To Be You, Bitch!". |
|
Monday, October 22, 2001 |
| Okay, this is a bit strange, ...and maybe scary. Although I'm sure
someone is having a good laugh right now, ...I'm not sure this is a joke, ...yet. Friday
morning I came in to find this postcard-like thing on my chair. I highly doubt His
Lo-ness Industries, Ltd. qualifies as a target, but these are strange times and I thought
this worthy of an update. Noone in the office knows from where this came, BTW.
As you can see, this 6x8-inch picture is sealed in an ill-fitting plastic bag.
The plastic is a little beat-up, too, ...like it's been on a construction site rather than
new from a recent store purchase. It looks like it was sealed in one of those Ronco
kitchen baggie sealer things.
There are two sheets of cardboard, the one with the picture and an apparently blank one
behind that. There is no marking on the backside. No Hallmark or American
Greetings logo, ...just the picture on one sheet and a seperate blank behind it.
The caption reads "Fishing in Scotland". Very strange thing to be
putting on the Levelord's chair! |
 |
|
Friday, October 19, 2001 |
| I just have this feeling we are going to find a lump of
flesh, ...gibs, ...as we lovingly call them, ...in a recently-bombed Afghanistan cave this
weekend or soon. ...the body will have a big techno-watch on it
with an inscription saying something like "To Our Beloved Salami - Love
Moms, All 57 Of Them".
...just a feeling ;) |
 |
|
Thursday, October 18, 2001 |
 |
Time to die,
fuckface! |
|
Friday, October 12, 2001 |
| Okay, so we only had one LIVE UPDATE yesterday! That's not our fault! There
are some cool pictures of the Gaming Conference at the University of Texas, Dallas last
weekend. All those interested should visit http://lingua.utdallas.edu/cgc/
I heard a funny anecdote while at the conference, ...one worthy of your ears and sort
of related to those funny, funny stereotyped jokes and pictures in yesterday's updates.
It seems the university holds an art contest every year in which they decorate a car in
some special way. Last year they decided to do a car about Jackson Pollock.
The students painted it in that dabs-and-drips Pollock style. They smashed in the
front end and put a tree in the indentation. They also had two bloodied dummies in
the front seats. On the side they painted the name "Pollock".
The car was then displayed on campus and within a matter of a few days, emails and
phone calls began coming in complaining about the car. The complaints were that
noone could understand that level of stereotyped joking and harmful humor in this day and
age! How could ANYONE, let alone American Academia, make fun of Polish drivers! |
Thursday, October 11, 2001 ***LIVE UPDATE*** |
| Since it is likely to be a very news worthy day, ...His Lo-ness
Industries, Ltd has decided to do a live update and report today's events as they happen!
It seems from reports now coming in, that FPS Central has in fact launched a
disinformation campaign. Two coverts have been seen on bootleg videos now being
passed around the tea houses of Kabal.
Reports indicate that an "Ali Roba" and at least one of his Thieves have been
spreading the rumor that all razor blades shall be stocked for future terrorist attacks
against the Western Infidels. The Holy Razor Blade Rations of 2001 has
created a severe shortage of shaving utensils and, hence, all Talibanian woman, aka
Thieves, shall wear veils to hide their bristley faces.
We will bring you more as we bring you more... |
 |
|
Thursday, October 11, 2001 |
| Well, one month ago, ...seems like much, much longer! The other day I heard that the
FBI was queerying, ...querying, ...ASKING Hollywood about possible terrorist scenerios
because Hollywood has the imagination for such things. Ya, Hollywood and imagination,
...sure! Let's see, that would be one of about four cookie-cutter stories they churn
out each and every fricken year. Maybe rogue cop Steven Seagull using a
semi-automatic handgun that issues the sound of an Uzi on full-auto? ...or perhaps
Commando Aaaarnold who I strongly suspect is still lip-syncing all his lines? ...or
maybe even sly Sly? ...ya, lot's of variety and imagination in Hollywood.
If you want devious imagination, come to the gamers, Gmen! We live, eat, and
sleep this shit! Here's an example of this boundless think tank we call FPS
Central...
| Washington is worried that the news stations may be showing too much of
the Salami Bologni videos. They fear anti-anti-terrorist propoganda and even helping
those fucks disseminate coded messages. Here's the thought, ...from a gamer, ...find
look-alikes for all the Taliban amirs and turbined Omars. You know, like the
Hollywood look-alikes you can hire for a party? Make fake videos of them saying all
sorts of shit. You could have Salami broadcasting from three different places at
once, ...saying three different things. Have one holding a McDonald's milk-like
shake, another with a tropical island backdrop and bottle of Capt Morgan's Spiced Rum.
Shit like that. They'd catch on, but it would be confusing at least, AND it
would be great entertainment for us! |
 |
|
Wednesday, October 10, 2001 |
| You'll find much better coverage on the Game Conference at the University
of Texas, Dallas on the Ritual site, ...I mean, how
can I compete with the likes of Pub Recorter Wyeth and His Roving Poodles! I did
want to say that it went off EXTREMELY well! Hat's off to everyone involved!
It is strange being on the "other" side of the podium and having dinner with
Deans and professors and such. I had dinner with the Dean of Arts and Humanities and
the Dean of Engineering last week. It was the first time I had sat in front of a
Dean of Engineering and not trembled ;) |
 |
|
Tuesday, October 9, 2001 |
 |
Does anyone else think these images (the image on the left!) from
Afghanistan are cool? It took me a few moments to realize who was taking them.
Night vision, ...the sound of crickets in an otherwise dead-silent background, ...this
isn't some CNN reporter shooting these ;)
Go get `em, boys! ...and girls! |
 |
|
Monday, October 8, 2001 |
| Two reasons to mention the following, ...first, special "Thanks" to Steven
Lynch of Hypothermia for their Disaster Relief Auction last week. He rolled in an
incredible $10K! Thanks to all the bidders, too! Second, please go check the
final bids on the Ritual swag, then the swag from the "other' companies... http://hypothermia.gamershardware.com/articles/auction/index3.html
...see why they call us The Shit? ... ;)
Has everyone seen the video of Salami Bologni? ...and heard that FBI/CIA/Ritual
suspects there is a coded message in it telling his cells some sort of information?
Did everyone see that overly predominant watch on his wrist? THAT must be it!
As soon as I saw the video I wondered why this back hill mofo was wearing such a big
techno Western watch. Trust me on this, I did covert work in the Navy and had a need
to know!
|
Wednesday, October 3, 2001 |
| How the world has changed! Ours at least. I hate to say it because it
means the terrorists have succeeded in more than just the bombings. I woke up at 7am
this morning to the sound of sirens. They came and went. Then another set just
as I turned on CNN. The report of a bus driver having his throat slit and 6-10
passengers dying in the ensuing wreck came on. Then another set of sirens. Oh
thought "Oh fuck!", but could do little else. Then, driving into work on 75 I
was passed by two tankers, both speeding by at a good 80mph, ...and both displaying the
Flammable flame emblem on their sides. I slowed down. |
Tuesday, October 2, 2001 |
There's probably only three other people reading this
that are old enough to appreciate it, so the rest of you can go away. So,
...AntiELVIS, Blue, Tom's Dad, ...what's up with Henry Kissinger! Where the hell do
they keep pulling him from? The guy looks and sounds just the same as when he did
back in Nixon's Days.
It's like there's a cryo-closet somewhere, probably in Disneyland,
and when a national crisis occurs, one related to war, they pull him out, dust him off,
make sure the neck tie and lapel widths are contemporary, and pull the little string to
make him talk. He always says the same thing, too, ..."I'm not saying we should
strick at them militarily, but whatever we do, it should be quick and decisive!",
...I always translate this into "Kill them! Kill them all and kill them
now!".
Don't get me wrong, I love the guy. I wish he was still
National Security Advisor, but it's weird to be looking at your keyboard, listening to
CNN, hear that distinctive monotonous voice, and look up to see his face, ...a face that
hasn't changed in 20+ years! |
 |
|
Monday, October 1, 2001 |
 |
OCTOBER! What the hell happened! August
was spent fighting foreign campaigns in California. What a great time that was and
"Thanks!" again to EA and the Bond Team!
...and then came September!
Elexis is here just for the relief she provides in times of gloom,
BTW. |
What can we say about September! It is like someone very close
having died. You know it happened, but you can not quite accept it as truth and it
only seeps in via slow dosages. I like to watch Friends, ...yes Friends,
...I fantasize about protecting Jennifer Anniston, ...but that's not important right now.
The show always does that pan shot of New York City between skits. Every time
I see that skyline, well, I can tell I really do not understand nor accept what has
happened.
My money is still on Hussein more so than Salami Bologni. This
was a conspiracy on the grandest scale, ...the Mother of All Conspiracies, no doubt,
...but I just get the feeling that bad ol' Saddam had alot more to do with it than MSNBC
and CNN are being told.
Salami was the 17th son, BTW.
As a suggestion, watch the movie The Beast. It is an
incredibly cool war movie on it's own. More topically, though, it is about a Russian
tank trapped in Afghanistan. Watch it! Also watch Lawrence of Arabia.
Good and evil are so subjective.
I'm well beyond the age to re-up in the Navy, but I sure felt a call
to duty when this happened. I always wonder how people conjur the courage to enlist
into a war, but this onslaught showed me for the first time the almost undeniable impulse
to go kisk the shit out of someone when my home has been attacked. I'm glad we're
playing this smart, using intelligence and the money trail, ...but for a few days I could
taste blood on a national level.
Related, if any of you feel the urge to enlist, you know I encourage
it ;) I love seeing the National Guard at the airports. I think we should do
that fulltime. We should do more, too.
If I had a pimpage postings, or a sales banner section, this is where
I would mention two things...
 |
First, Steven "Mr. Freeze" Lynch over at Hypothermia is running
a Disaster Relief Auction with some very cool, cool stuff! Keep your browser warm on
his site and bid yourself some happiness!
http://hypothermia.gamershardware.com/index.htm |
 |
B. The University of Texas, Dallas will be holding
their UTD Computer Game Conference this weekend. As you all know, this will kick-off their
four-year, fully-accredited course in interactive computer gaming. The conference
starts on Friday, October 5th at 12:30PM and ends Sunday October 7th at 9PM.
http://lingua.utdallas.edu/cgc/ |
One last word, and we can NOT stress this enough, ...thanks to all
the cool police, EMS, and firepeople out there. If only for the day-to-day stuff, we
owe you more than words can express!
|
|
