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December 2000 |
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01
December 2000 |
Shit! ...I forgot to say
"rabbit, rabbit" this morning. This will be a fucked up month I guess.
I finally got a new computaar at home! It's been since
1996 when I bought a PII 233MHz. Now I'm cruising in 1GHz City! Deathmatch levels here I
come!
The new computaar is awesome, but I must say how much I
HATE Microsloth! I was 20 minutes into my very first 'gigantic' Age of Empires levels,
which is a first because my old system couldn't handle the map size, when WHAM! ...the
screen goes blank, heads over to Windows, and some fucking "New Microsloth
Products" video fucking thing loads up. No "Quit" button or little
"X" in the upper right corner, ...I'm shanghaied into clicking either "Yes,
play now" or "Save for later". I figure click "Yes" so it doesn't
fuck me over again later and I'll just stop the thing before too much time is wasted. It
loads itself, and the virtual video controls had a "Pause" and "Stop"
button, but did they work? No! I almost lost my new computaar to a drowning of vodka and
smashed glass. |
02 December 2000 |
| I bought a house over a year ago, but I
still haven't met all my neighbors. It's a nice place on the end of a cul-de-sac. The
neighbor from across the street came over the other day to pay a visit. Actually, he was
the son of the neighbors, just returned home from college. He looked like a potential game
player, so I signed a copy of Heavy Metal and gave it to him. He said that he didn't play
computer games, but thanked me anyways. Well, last
night, as I was playing AoE and sipping some imported vodka, he came back to visit. I met
him at the door and he handed me the copy of FAKK2 saying that he couldn't accept the
gift. He explained that he is going to Russia to study Orthodox Christianity and that God
wouldn't appreciate him partaking of such deviant entertainment. I said "God!?!
...GOD published the damned game!". He still didn't want the game.
Go here http://www.3drealms.com/camera/111000.html
#5 "I thought the Levelord took his bongs with him
when he left..." (Jeff Carlson)
...that shit just aint funny, man! Ever since the Haunted
Bong thing on FPS Survivore Island, I've been a little sensitive about my bong. |
04 December 2000 |
| Keep the "'Cliffy' is Norwegian for
'Herring Choker'" emails coming in! I have a nice collection, but I want more. Send
more pictures, too, those are the best! Anyone see
the new Dune movie on Sci-Fi last night? What a waste of time! I mean it's cool and all,
but it's nothing compared to the original movie.
Played some more Serious Sam on the new `puter yesterday.
I love this game. It's like DOOM Meets the New Millenium. Noone Lives Forever looks cool,
too, can't wait to run through that one.
We took one of the new artists to Deep Ellum on
Saturnight. I love that place! Great bars with great music, and I always fall in love at
least once per visit. I am always reminded of Chuck Jones and the Apogee Days. How's shit,
Chuck, we still miss you!
One last note, PLEASE someone start a war or something! I
am so sick and tired of hearing about fucked up Florida and this ridiculous vote counting. |
| 05 December 2000 |
| It was just a joke! Never take me
seriously, I do NOT want a war anywhere. I received a dozen or so emails from sections of
the world where this is not funny at all. I am sorry! How about a severe weather system,
isolated in my own backyard. I will call CNN for the coverage ;) |
06 December 2000 |
| I think I'm making too many jokes
about cabbage and schnitzen grubben. BaDmAn opted to spend the night at the office last
night. He said he wanted to play SiN all night, but I think I may be acting too Texan.
Knowing what it's like to sleep at the office, I
figured I'd bring in his toothbrush. Then I saw his toothbrush! It's this industrial-sized
gizmo with whirling brushes and ultrasonic emitters and it has to be plugged into three
separate outlets. It looks like something that would take me a month to script in Heavy
Metal. Germans and technology, ...it's always scarey! |
06 December 2000 |
Holy bat terds! I didn't even think of it
until the AntiELVIS (www.gracelessland.com)
just told me! ...the "toothbrush" is really Epic spy technology! ...to the Level
Cave!
|
06 December 2000 |
| Go here, ask a question, and make it GOOD!
http://www.xgr.com/Section/News/821
|
08 December 2000 |
| Oh my fucking god! They're counting the
votes again? |
09 December 2000 |
| Top of the news? SiN Gold is out for the
Macintosh. It has the original version, as well as the Wages of SiN add-on pack, ...what a
deal! ...it even has that ground-setting level called "Paradox" done by some guy
called Tom, ...that's it, ...just Tom. Also, the
SiN Anime movie is STILL in the Top Ten position on Billboard.com (http://www.billboard.com/charts/videos/sales.asp)
after four weeks. It's heading up with some tough competition, ...so it must be groovy,
...so you must go buy a copy!
While we're here, I'd like to discuss something dear to
my heart, ...getting stoned. I have a lot of fun made of me, at my expense, because a lot
of people believe it makes me forgetful.
Getting stoned does NOT make a person forgetful! Instead,
it sends your mind to places far away and you merely become distracted. For instance, this
morning, as I pulled into the parking lot at work, my mind was way off somewhere buying a
sandwich I really couldn't afford. As I stared at this mile-high tower of goodness,
...seeping condiments from all four sides, ...I tried to figure a way to barter for it,
...maybe they'd take a copy of Heavy Metal or Blair Witch III (play this fucker if you get
the chance;).
All of a sudden, I feel this intense choking sensation
around my neck and the scrapping feeling of a thick nylon band. I suddenly realized that I
had not undone my seatbelt before trying to exit the Levelord Van. See? I didn't
"forget", my mind just wasn't there at the time! |
09 December 2000 |
| Sometimes it just all hits you at once and
you remember how lucky you are. Sitting here in the office on a beautifully crisp and cold
Saturday morning. Just me, Darren, and Rob, ...the three long hairs, ...tooling away on
our next game and listening to Led Zeppelin cranked way up high. A lot of you don't know
how cool Led Zeppelin is, give them a try, any of the first five albums, ...sorry, CDs
will do! |
11 December 2000 |
| While we're here, I'd like to discuss
something dear to my heart, ...getting stoned. I have a lot of fun made of me, at my
expense, because a lot of people believe it makes me... Oh, ...wait! ... sorry! |
12 December 2000 |
| Shit! Okay, you all know now why I never
have time to play other games. http://www.somethingawful.com/jeffk/levelordcrime/index.htm
|
13 December 2000 |
| "ALICE has the moist orgasmical little
design I've seen in years. Her mound is remarkable as well." -Cliffster the
Blensinked, finger update 12/13 4:49. ...prevert!
This city amazes me in the winter. We got some sleet and
freezing rain last night and the entire city looks like a bad Twilight Zone episode.
"Oh my God, Ethel, what's that shit comin' down from the skies!"
The fun part is the human element that makes it truly
dangerous. The dipshit driving on the highway, in the fast lane, at 30mph with his
flashers on. ...and the lieutenant dipshit next to him doing 40mph, flanked by the cadet
dipshit alos doing 40mph so that the entire freeway is now blocked for the rest of us that
really do want to get to work.
Then there are the two cars ahead of me, doing a good
clip, but slamming on the breaks and swerving because a sheet of 1/8-inch thick ice blows
off the car in front of them.
Then, of course, there's the assholes from New England
and points north, like the Levelord, that think this is all silly and drive at the usual
80mph until they hit the black ice on the overpass and fishtail one way then the other. I
love fishtailing on black ice ;)
...this is one crazy city in the winter! |
13 December 2000 |
| Coolness! Finally got my 3-pound stock of
Silly Putty ;) I have a lot of toys from childhood, but most are merely cues for
reminiscing about the past. Others, though, a few others, are still as much fun now as
they were then. Silly Putty is one of those. ...like a good set of sweat bespangled
breasts, you just can't put it down! Don't think
that that was just a cheap metaphoric shot, either, ...here's something interesting that I
never noticed as a kid. If you make a breast out of Silly Putty, ...and let it sit,
...it's like a 3-hour fast forward of what happens to a real breast over the course of a
lifetime. It goes through the exact same deformation and sagging life cycle, only much,
much quicker.
I think after my level designing stint, I want to become
a Mr. Science for kids on PBS.
Look! ...I have nothing against Cliffffy as a person,
...well, okay, there are a few issues, ...but EVERYONE shares those with me. This
campaign, however, is against Cliffy as an industry. I mean, come on! ...look at the guy!
He's silly, but there's no putty! |
17 December 2000 |
| Well, for a devote atheist, I sure do love
GOD a lot! For those that haven't heard yet, Tom and I held an impromptu workshop at the
gala CPL event yesterday. We were kind of in a spot having not prepared at all. No worries, though, as GOD is all-knowing and all-seeing. We were
about 15 minutes into our talk, just shooting the shit really, with about 30 people. All
of a sudden, some 300 people come storming into the room. Tom and I are popular and
extremely well-loved, but something was definitely amiss...
...and here they came directly after the 300 people, two
strippers hired by GOD! It was the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long, long time.
A room full of game developers and game players, ...and two strippers. I'm sure you've
seen pictures by now as there were as many cameras there as people.
As I have said repeatedly, this is a hellish job, but
thankfully we have our GOD! |
18 December 2000 |
| ...okay! Where are all the pictures
everyone took of the strippers at the CPL! There were like thousands of flashes going off,
...there must be as many pictures! Someone, post them, send them to the Levelord!
|
20 December 2000 |
| Not that anyone cares, ...I know I don't,
...I mean, ...self-serving, egocentric, auto-absorbed game designers really piss me off
most of the time, ...but has anyone found the one Levelord Easter Egg in Alice yet?
Remember I did the first two levels, and I have a tremendously unstable ego. It's a fairly
obvious one (not in a NO CLIP area). The first one to email me the answer gets absolutely
nothing as a prize, ...a signed nothing, that is. |
21 December 2000 |
| I'm not very impressed! I only have one
correct answer for the Easter Egg (for Something Awful Readers, that's Christmas Egg) and
he is Brian Peacock. The egg has nothing to do with mushrooms, I don't know where THAT
came from! No, it has nothing to do with the Elder Gnome pumping the little Gnome behind
the Sawmill, and finally, it isn't the cat poo under the bridge! Keep looking, it's right
in your face! ...or better, ecaf ruoy ni thgir! No
Dick Story, but after watching a science show the other night, I'm prompted to ask this,
...does anyone else have memories from before the time they could talk? I mean, anyone
remember stuff from when you didn't have words to file the events? Very cool, and very
strange, me thinks.
I have one memory from when I was about 6-months old. For
the longest time, I thought it was a memory of a dream because it was very surreal. Like I
said, it's not cataloged with words or attached to other frames of reference, so it's not
like any other memory I have. Everything is in basic emotions, primal wants, and pure
desires. I didn't find out it was an actual memory until I told my Mom and she said
"No, no! ...that was the room and crib you were in back in our first apartment in New
Haven!"
I remember being on my back and wanting so badly to get
over on my stomach. You know how when you've been in one position for a long time and your
muscles hurt? I remember not being able to roll over on my own and the feeling of complete
frustration. I also remember this big blue ball with gold and silver speckles. This was
one of the clues for my Mom because I indeed had this little tiny ball I liked to hold on
to. I remember quite distinctly the surroundings, too, which were also confirmed by Mom. I
remember the crib bars and the room with its one window and white walls. It's still
strange for to conjure up that day, and I wonder what it's like being a dog or beetle.
|
21 December 2000 |
| Hot fucking damn! I just got an ICQ from
Lowtax that said JeffK MAY finally want to interview the Levelord, the Good and Humble!
Thanks so much, Your Lowtaxness, I know you had to pull a lot of strings to get this to
happen! I love making finger updates like
yesterday's because I get such cool emails with stories that are so much better than mine.
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to write me! I really should post emails, yes?
Before we go (today is our last day before the holidays,
so if noone answers from here for the next few days, you'll know why), ...all of us at
Ritual want to wish everyone in the world a great end-of-year season. Whatever you're
celebrating, ...Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Levelord's Eve, ...whatever, ...PLEASE have
a safe and happy one!
As one of my best friends, Lori Mezoff from TSI in New
Fricken York, just said...
"I think 2001 is going to be a good one for all of
us."
...make sure that happens, good people! |
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